Sunday, April 26, 2009

Catching Up

A lot has happened since the last blog entry so I'm going to bullet point it to catch up:



  1. The family traveled back to New England for my parent's 51st Anniversary party. The 50th party had been postponed from last year because my treatment didn't allow me to travel and even if it did, I was in no shape to do so. It was a really nice event. I saw uncles and aunts, cousins and friends that I haven't seen in years and most likely, won't again due to some of their advanced ages. My sister did most of the work as often happens with those children that live close by and she did a great job as usual. My parents entire wedding party was there (!), minus my aunt who was a bridesmaid, as she passed away several years ago. The kids met cousins they've only seen in pictures and they really enjoyed visiting Grandma and Papou's house. SciDad took some awesome photos at the party and this entry reminds me that I'm supposed to be putting together a sort of memory book from the event - ugh, add to long "when will I ever find the time to do this" list. On the way back I forgot SciYang's booster seat which cost $50 to UPS back to us. I remain impressed still at how well SciYing and SciYang travel. Only thing we missed doing was going to a sugaring shack to watch them make maple syrup. The weather was too cold for the sap to run and the big sugaring weekend was the one after we left. Maybe next year.

  2. Aloha! My best friend and I went to The Big Island, Hawaii for my company's week long retreat (see blog entry The Twists and Turns of Life ). I had a great time and despite missing the SciKids and SciDad, I really enjoyed the break. It is the first time ever since having children that I've gone somewhere where the objective was to relax and have fun. We stayed at a great resort, and the company gave us $1000 in spending money (which was just about enough to cover our food for the week; breakfast at this resort for two was $80!) The highlight was the helicopter ride around the island, over the still active volcano and along the ocean shoreline. Probably a once in a lifetime experience. I met a lot of people in the company that I wouldn't have otherwise had the opportunity to meet and in the end, was so glad to have the opportunity to go.

  3. I've made my reconstruction decision and in June, I will have breast implant surgery. Despite having had radiation and risking that this implant will only be a temporary "fix", since my surgery last year I've never waivered in my feelings towards reconstruction. I know that the more complicated surgeries to move fat and muscle from the abdomen to the breast would give me a more natural look and probably last longer, I don't want to have 6 weeks of recovery right now. My life is busy. I'm enjoying my children's activities, I'm working - I'm living..... I think SciDad still supports this decision because it's what I want. typically, where I received treatment, they won't do implants after radation because of the possible scarring and mis-shaping that can occur in a short period of time. But my surgeon, who SciDad knows academically, has agreed to do it this one time. I'm glad I waited a year to officially decide because I'm confident it's right for me right now. And as I learned in 2008, you just take it one day at a time...

Sunday, March 15, 2009

It's freezing all around us

My interview for that academic administration job has now officially been cancelled. Just as I was starting to get excited about meeting and interviewing with all the important decision makers, the Institution went into "freeze mode". By that I mean a hiring freeze was put in place across the board. Apparently you can't even hire in a postdoc that you have funding for on a grant. There's no set plan for when this freeze will be lifted but it seems to have been put into place with a wide swipe of the hand. The position I was applying for they really do need someone but maybe now they will look closer within the Institute and promote up. It could open up again in the future but I think I can't count on that anymore.
I'm now in a situation I've never been in before - doing a job I don't enjoy but currently without other options. Don't get me wrong. I'm grateful to have a job in this economy. And it's not particularly difficult for me to do this job either. But it doesn't give purpose to my day and that's what always drove me in my academic position. I'm not prepared to give up on my future dreams just yet but I do understand that I'm no spring chicken and the longer I'm in my current position, the less marketable I will be for the types of jobs I would want to do for the second half of my career.
It's an interesting place for me to be. I knew I was gambling when I left my academic job two years ago but it never crossed my mind that I wouldn't be doing something fulfilling. I had great hopes for my move to this company. Although I can look for other positions at other companies, I have a certain amount of "clout" at my current company and I'm not sure it would be smart to move somewhere where I have to build that all over again. Some days I feel confident something good is coming down the pike for me; other days I'd like to turn back the clock and go back to academics.
Thankfully though this week will be a short working week. The family is heading home to New England midweek to celebrate the parental unit's 50th wedding anniversary. It's actually their 51st but they postponed the party last year because I was in the middle of the tough chemo and couldn't travel. I'm looking forward to the party and seeing my parents but not looking forward to schlepping SciYing and SciYang half way across the country.
Honestly I'm turning into such a curmudgeon.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The Twists and Turns of Life

Life has been throwing curves - certainly hasn't been boring. It just proves that you never really know what's around the next corner.

Curve 1:

Plus: I'm going to Hawaii. As the top performing person in my 2008 biotech position (you know the one they laid me off from), I get rewarded with a trip to Hawaii for 6 days. It's part company meeting part time for relaxation and fun for those top performers in a variety of job positions. As I transitioned into a new position but stayed with the same company, I am still eligible to attend.

Minus: We couldn't get coverage for the kids so SciDad can't go. :(
Mini-curve:
But my best friend who has helped me through some tough times is going to go with me.

Curve 2:

Plus: I received a call from the executive search firm regarding the academic administration position that I had interviewed for several weeks ago. They want to set up a time for a full interview so I'm still in the running.

Minus: Same day, Institution imposed a hiring freeze!!

What next?!

Sunday, March 01, 2009

I've seen the lab from both sides now

Tonight I'm sitting in a hotel room near the campus of Big U where tomorrow the service engineer, who has worked this territory for years, will give me the grand tour and introduce me to some of the labs that currently use our technology. It's an interesting position to be in because for years, I was the PI that these people would come into the lab to see. And I was pretty consistently short with them - annoyed sometimes by their presence. Just people trying to sell me stuff I always mumbled.
Being on the other side now, I can tell you a couple of things:
1) It's hard work, physical work. And you spend a lot of time trying to track down PIs or lab managers.
2) More often these days your life science company account personnel are not "green behind the ears". I personally worked with another PhD. and knew of another from a different company. All came to their current jobs for different reasons -some family, some financial, some for other reasons.
3) It's not just about the sale. They really don't want to sell you something you don't need. That doesn't make sense because this creates a disgruntled customer which tends to take more time, which is time away from those good opportunities in other laboratories.
In some ways, the last two years have been a lesson in humility. So next time one of "us" walks into your lab or office, just keep an open mind.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Flying under the radar

As I mentioned earlier, I recently threw my hat into the ring for an academic administrative position. Having met previously with a representative of the executive search company working with this Institution, I was very positive about my chances for this opening going into my interview with the supervisor. My discussion with the firm representative was a positive one, which ended with him commenting that I was a strong candidate.

Fast forward to interview day. I had made all the phone calls to learn more about this supervisor and how he worked. I prepared my answers to some of the important questions I had been asked previously or expected to be asked this time. It's been a long time since I've prepared for an interview in this way. Most times my preparation was a lecture about my research, something that becomes second nature after 15+ years on the job. I even cut the hair and bought a new outfit - one that looked professional but not stuffy.

Well to make a long story short, the interview didn't quite go as I expected. I was asked things like "Did you ever have your own R01?" and "How many faculty committees did you serve on in your previous faculty positions?" Now neither of these questions are really pertinent to the job on the table and I suddenly began to feel like the purpose of this interview was not to find out how I could do the job but how we could list things that could be used to keep me out of the job. I was told I didn't have a lot of administrative experience, yet the position is heavily weighted to bringing investigators together to advance translational research - i.e. something more easily tackled by a person with a lot of scientific experience.

Those questions were followed by a 20 min description of the components that the person in this position would be involved in. Very interesting and useful information. But the way it was delivered gave me little opportunity to be part of that discussion and emphasize how my experience would serve me well in that position.

Then I was told that it would be in this Institutions best interest to find a way to use my experience to their benefit "even if it's in another position". Pow. Bam. Down for the count. That was a signal, I believe, to tell me that I wasn't what this individual was looking for.

So my hopes were dashed, my sails deflated but it did get me thinking about some of the decisions I made as I traveled from Institution to Institution, faculty position to faculty position as the "wife of the recruit". I've done this type of move 3 times, but only once was I recruited with a real 'package. That was at a non-academic research Institute so there weren't traditional faculty committee service requirements. The other two times I had to work at gaining the respect and acceptance of my colleagues in departments that were outside my area of expertise. In these situations, I put my head down and focused on doing good research and publishing papers. I didn't push to be on committees or involved in working groups. In some sense I felt like I needed to fly under the radar. Now I know that was not the thing to do. I should have focused on building a broader portfolio and enlisting the help of the department chairman or senior faculty. What remains clear is that dual recruiting requires the full support of the chairman for whomever is the " spouse of the recruit". If you don't have someone who can see your qualities and knows how to use them to benefit their department, and who isn't committed to your success as much as the success of the primary recruit, then it isn't going to work.

Hindsight is 20/20. I can only say that I have the experience I have and I'm confident with who I am. I just don't know where that will end up taking me but I've been down windy roads before. I can't wait to see what's around the next corner.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

One fever, two fever

I've recently gone back to reading some of the women in science-related blogs that I was following over a year ago. I'm impressed they've managed to maintain their blogging. I guess the year I was in treatment I just didn't want to think so much about my life as a Mom and scientist - just wanted to think about getting through treatment. But now that I'm back working and looking at a less flexible, potentially more stressful job, I'm thinking a lot about the stresses of being a mother to a 7 and 5 year old, being older than a lot of Mom's with kids my age, having a husband in an academic science career, thinking of changing my career yet again and being a cancer survivor (and the internal dialog that comes with that). My current job has a lot of flexibility. I can be out in front of the customers as much or as little as I want. That said, if I don't get out there, it will be a lot leaner year and I most likely won't make the company-mandated quotas. However, I can do a lot by email and phone when I need to. Like this last month.

You see SciDad's travels and job responsibilities leave him home only 10 days in February. I officially declared in Single Parenting Month! To top that off, my children have been home sick a total of 12 days since the last week of January, some days together. High fevers, flu-like symptoms (although tests showed it wasn't the flu), coughing, etc. I also got sick in the middle of it all but still kept up the Clara Barton role, spending one of my sickest nights cooling my daughter down from a 105 degree fever. Several days I had to call a mother of a child in my son's 1st grade to ask if they could bring him to school because I didn't want to bundle up my 5 year old daughter who was running a 103 degree fever and take her out of the house. She's been home with me for the last 4 days again with another bought of high fever and a throat infection (not strep).
I was reading MommyScientist's blog about her childcare issues and I can really relate, although her situation is more dire right now that mine. But if I get this new position, it's going to be a transition back to a more conventional work schedule and what will I do when the kids are sick for 4 days at a time? This is when I really hate being thousands of miles away from any family. I worry about feeding my kids a decent diet (some days I can multi-task working at home and cooking so that a nice dinner is on the table). I worry about their days at school going from 8 - 3pm and then afterschool until 5pm. When do they get to just be home and play? Should I give up this opportunity to keep the current flexibility since my children are young?
My head is full of these kinds of thoughts. How do you get your head around a job (new or current) and focus on that with all the other stuff that's on your mind? Maybe I'll find some answers on the other Mommy/Scientist blogs.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Bubble, bubble......

Something is bubbling on the job horizon. I have an upcoming interview for an academic administrative-type position back in the cancer research field. Having been out in the corporate world for 2 years now, and having been laid off and re-hired twice, I find myself yearning for something that brings me back closer to what excites and intrigues me - and that is cancer research. This opportunity would put me on a new career trajectory - one more in line with what I have always wanted after a career as a lab scientist.

It would be challenging and interesting and would probably provide me with many more career options that I have at the moment. I really want this opportunity. I hate to get too excited because there are a lot of talented people out there. I hope to know more in a week so stay tuned.