Conflicted

Today I spent writing parts of a grant under the gun - stressed. As I was emailing colleagues for information, fielding questions regarding the daily job I should be doing, and reading the 5th incomplete version of the grant to see where my initials have been put as owner of the words that should be there, I had this deja vu. Isn't this situation part of the reason why I left traditional academics in the first place?

At the same time, I just asked for my promised promotion from Instructor to Assistant Professor. Yes, I willingly demoted myself two ranks from Associate Professor to Instructor to take on my current job. I don't regret it in the least because I know I made the right decision in taking this job. But my ego tells me I should at least get back to Assistant Professor after all. But do I really want all the "stuff" that comes along with an academic position?

Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No......